


Echo's Burden

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Action/Adventure, Adult Content, Alternate Universe, Angst, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-10
Updated: 2006-03-10
Packaged: 2019-02-02 12:14:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12726426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: Daniel searches through the quantum mirror for a reality where he can make a life with another Jack but it is proving extremely difficult.





	Echo's Burden

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

  
Author's notes: Violence. Talk of AU character deaths. Major psychological whumping. Triple tissue warning!  


* * *

This was one of those times when being a linguist was a nuisance. The sensations coursing through his body were indescribable but his mind tried to find words anyway.

Fuck the words! All he wanted to do was _feel_. Feel those wonderful hands caressing his skin, dancing up and down his spine, across his buttocks as the fingers pushed inside.

Feel the warm tempting lips gently forcing his mouth apart as his lover's tongue swept inside to search out every crevice; to taste him, to know him, to duel with his tongue as he sought out the other's mouth.

Feel his cock filling, growing hard and his balls tightening as his lover slammed into him hitting the prostate again and again, sending his spirits soaring.

Feel his heart swell with love for the man who demonstrated his love with actions far more convincing than any words.

Feel his mouth form the shape of the word, the one word that encapsulated all that filled his life with love and purpose; feel the word tumbling from his lips at the moment of his ecstasy. "Jack!"

Daniel's eyes snapped open as he was awoken by his own exclamation. He was gasping and sweating and he could feel and smell his own come soaking his boxers. Looking around, his mind still fogged by sleep and the aftermath of his orgasm, it took him a moment to realise he was alone.

The tears slid slowly down his face, his grief as palpable, his loss as deep, as that terrible day when his world had ended. Perhaps the despair was even more intense today following the heart-rending hours he'd had.

He'd been trying for days - or was it weeks? - to identify an alternative reality where he might find a Jack with whom he could fall in love and make a home but without even an inkling of success. Some of the alternate universes through the mirror were vastly different from the one he knew, the one he wanted. Or if he found one worth investigating, he had problems finding a way to reach Earth. In some of the realities he visited, all of the gate addresses he knew that could possibly lead to help were ones that had never heard of the Tau'ri. It seemed obvious the Stargate programme was not viable, or at least not yet, in these universes.

He had found one universe where the Gate was working and an SG1 was wandering amongst the stars, an SG1 consisting of Major Jack O'Neill, Captain Louis Ferretti, Lieutenant Simon Carver and Captain Samantha O'Neill. On this Earth there were no rules against fraternisation or even against married officers serving in the same chain of command. No-one in this SGC had ever heard of Daniel Jackson, nor Teal'c. Their Gate had only been open for just over a year and though they had been to Abydos they had not met Ra there. They had heard rumours of a dangerous race called Gould but as yet they hadn't come across them.

Daniel had felt most uncomfortable around that Jack; the man treated him as a troublesome stranger and only the fact that he had come through the Gate from a known ally of Earth allowed the Major to tolerate him at all. Daniel had told them all that he could and then returned through the Gate and back through the mirror. He could have stayed safely in that universe but he knew it wasn't enough. Being able to help protect them against the Goa'uld was not his goal, selfish as that might sound. He had already lost too much protecting his own Earth and he'd not even succeeded in doing that.

It had been that thought that had set him on his next course of action.

He'd been hit with a overwhelming sense of failure and he was angry that he'd never pursued the possibility of retribution for the destruction of his world. They'd had allies who would have helped them against the Goa'uld if there had been time and opportunity to get a message out. Was there any way of getting a message to them now, from here?

He decided he should try. He had the time after all. He had decided he couldn't go through the mirror too frequently, for his physical health but perhaps most importantly for his psychological well being. He could not keep taking these knock-backs.

So instead, he travelled through the Gate in the reality he now called home to try and enlist the help of Tollan, the Tok'ra and the Nox of this reality to ask if they would help him contact their counterparts in his universe to see if they could help free his Earth from the stranglehold of the Goa'uld.

It had not been too difficult to convince the Tollan that he came from an alternate reality and that he knew their doppelgangers; he knew them well enough not to be surprised when the Tollan turned him down. They were not at war with the Goa'uld and saw no reason to incite their anger.

Next he visited the last known Tok'ra stronghold he was aware of and though it took somewhat longer to convince them, he simply knew too much for them not to believe his outrageous story - their words. However, believing him did not in the slightest encourage them to help him. If anything they were even more suspicious in this reality then they had been in his own. They simply refused to risk their safety, their security for a race they did not know and had no reason to trust.

He then went through to the Nox planet. Being pacifists, Daniel had not expected the Nox to offer any help other than support and he was correct. What he did hope was to convince them to offer a little more. As one of the four member races he had learned of at Heliopolis, Daniel hoped that perhaps the Nox could contact the Asgard. If one race might be prepared to help it would be the Asgard, assuming of course that the Protected Planets Treaty also existed in this reality. Lya seemed as taken with Daniel in this reality as she did in his own and she agreed to communicate with the Asgard on his behalf to ask if they would be prepared to speak to him.

For the first time since he had left Jack and Danny, he found a little peace of mind during the few days he spent on the Nox homeworld.

Four days later he was beamed up from the forest where he had been walking, remembering he'd visited the Nox planet the first time with SG1, when they had all been killed and miraculously revived by the small, mysterious creatures. He suddenly found himself standing on the plain grey decking of an Asgard ship.

An alien figure came towards him and he was pretty sure it was Thor but the small grey beings tended to look alike, if Jack had been here he would have been sure. Then again, if Jack had been here...

"Dr. Jackson, I understand?" It was definitely Thor, at least it sounded like Thor.

"Thor?"

The small grey alien blinked rapidly. "You know my counterpart, I see."

"Yes. He was a staunch ally and a friend to Earth. He helped bring our world under the Protected Planets Treaty. We wanted to contact him when we were attacked but we were unable to do so." Daniel went on to explain in great detail what had happened to the SGC and ultimately to Earth. "I don't know what they can do but I have to ask. Is there any way you could help me contact the Asgard in my reality?"

"It may be possible but it may also be useless."

"Useless?"

"The Protected Planets Treaty was created to keep the Goa'uld at bay. We are not able to enforce it once the Goa'uld have invaded a planet. It would be far too difficult to remove them once they become entrenched. "

"I understand. However, if it is possible, could we not ask? I don't even know the full extent of the...invasion."

Thor dipped his head to one side a little, eyes blinking as he seemed to consider the question. He straightened his head and said, "We will try."

Daniel gave Thor the Stargate coordinates to the mirror planet and Thor took them there by ship.

"You explained," Thor said to Daniel when they were in orbit above the planet, "That the quantum mirror in your reality is in the depths of the mountain where the Stargate is hidden, assuming of course that the Goa'uld have not discovered it and moved it since."

Daniel swallowed as the risk he...they were taking struck home. "That is correct," he answered. "What's your plan?"

"It is my intention to transport us to the mirror on the planet; we will walk through if it appears safe. Once on the other side I will send a message to my counterpart. We will return to our reality, wait a time period and return for his reply."

Daniel nodded, not knowing how long they may have to wait but having no option but to go along with Thor's plan.

When they arrived at the mirror, Daniel took out the controller knowing the exact setting to find his home reality. He could not risk leaving the mirror switched to that reality in case the Goa'uld had discovered the mirror and came through. He had to keep his sanctuary secure.

Thor was ready as Daniel turned the dial and he breathed a sigh of relief when the dark reflection of the tarpaulin was all that could be seen. Thor signalled him to wait for a few moments just to be certain before nodding to allow Daniel to step through, the small alien following quickly.

As they stepped through, the tarpaulin moved with the motion and Daniel slipped out one side to check the mirror was still being kept in the small storeroom in the bowels of Cheyenne Mountain. Surprisingly, little had been disturbed. It would seem the Goa'uld had more important things to occupy them than a few crates and miscellaneous items under dust covers. A sudden chill stole over his body and Daniel suspected it was the memory of the horror he had suffered in a place that had once been a home away home for him.

"We can return," Thor stated.

Daniel had been so wrapped up in his thoughts he'd forgotten for a moment that Thor was even with him, let alone that they had come there for a specific reason. Without a word he turned, slipped under the tarpaulin and back through the mirror.

At Thor's request Daniel told more of the adventures of SG1 especially as it related to interactions with the Asgard. After a period of what to Daniel seemed about two hours, Thor said it was time to return and receive the alternate Thor's message. They repeated the trip through the mirror and this time Daniel watched as Thor directed one of the Asgard communication stones upwards until it flashed for a second. Thor took a quick look at the stone and as far as Daniel could see that was all he did but he again directed the stone upwards and after another quick flash he nodded.

"Is that it?" Daniel asked.

"One moment please," Thor said.

Suddenly there was a flash of light and a holographic image of Thor appeared. He nodded to the real Thor and then turning to Daniel, he smiled.

"Greetings, Dr. Jackson, it is good to know that you survived. We had assumed that everyone was killed or taken in the SGC before the Goa'uld proceeded to conquer the planet."

Even though Daniel had suspected what had happened, to actually hear it confirmed by someone who knew for certain was painful.

"Thank you," he said belatedly.

"I am sorry for your personal losses, Dr. Jackson. I am well aware how close your team was to each other and the respect in which you held your colleagues."

"Thank you," the archaeologist repeated, not having the heart to say anything else.

After a moment, Daniel took a breath before asking, "Thor, can you help? There must be something you can do. We were supposed to be protected by the Treaty. God, I don't even know how they got as far as they did in the first place! I never even learned which Goa'uld led the attack," he added bitterly.

"The attack was led by Khnum, one of the lesser System Lords. Apparently he discovered a new weapon which he realised he could use to destroy the Iris protecting your Stargate. By defeating the Tau'ri when every other more powerful System Lord has tried and failed, he would climb into the highest ranks. His plan succeeded."

Daniel was seething. His life had been utterly destroyed as part of a plan for promotion within the ranks? He wanted to hit something, his fingers curled into claws and if he could have got his hands round the neck of that bastard he would have ripped his throat out.

Taking a breath to calm himself, Daniel turned back to the hologram. "Can you help me?" he asked simply.

"It is too late, Dr. Jackson," Thor replied. "The Goa'uld is firmly entrenched on your planet. Millions died and millions are now slaves. There is nothing we can do to change that now. I am sorry."

Daniel sagged. He had expected little else but to hear his fears more than confirmed. Millions and millions of his people, dead or worse.

"There is nothing for you here any longer, Dr. Jackson. You have escaped and while I appreciate you are still in a difficult position at least you are alive and free. Abandon any ideas of revenge." Daniel's head jerked up at that and Thor's eyes blinked. Daniel swore to himself that he could imagine a smile flitting across the small alien's face. "Make a new life for yourself, Dr. Jackson. I believe it was what O'Neill would have wanted."

Those words hit him hard, not because they weren't true but because Thor had known how close he and Jack were. He had never said anything but Daniel and Jack had often surmised that Thor saw much more than he ever let on.

Struggling to hold his tears at bay and not trusting his voice, Daniel nodded his acceptance of the advice.

The two Thors spoke quietly for a few minutes allowing Daniel to gather himself. "Thank you for taking the time to talk to me and I'm just sorry there is nothing you can do."

The hologram of Thor nodded, turned his head a moment and then said, "You must leave now; there is an indication of some Jaffa headed in your direction."

"Thank you and goodbye," Daniel said sadly and the hologram disappeared.

They quickly returned back through the mirror to the alternate reality.

"I am sorry there is nothing more we can do for you," Thor began.

"There is, if you are willing."

Thor blinked quickly but said nothing.

"Would you allow me to keep the communication stone so if I ever I need assistance in an emergency I could contact you?"

Cocking his head on one side Thor watched him and Daniel wondered what the Asgard really thought of humanity, thought of him. "Very well," Thor said.

"One more thing, if I may?" Daniel pressed.

"What is that?"

"I have not been able to dial the SGC on Earth here in this reality, yet you didn't question my existence here or my story, so I assume you know what is happening with the SGC here. Can you tell me? Have the Goa'uld invaded here too?"

"No. In fact, as yet there is no SGC in this reality."

"What!"

"They have the Stargate, it is under Cheyenne Mountain and they are almost ready to discover its secrets."

Daniel frowned. "How do you know all this?"

"I think you already know the answer to that, Dr. Jackson. We have been keeping on eye on the human race for centuries and something as important as the discovery and opening of the Stargate cannot take place without our observance."

Daniel's mind was awhirl. Why were they so late opening the Gate in this reality? Was it possible it was because he was not there? It was not pride talking, it was hope. Was it possible, could he already have found his sanctuary? He had never experienced any entropic cascade failure since arriving in this reality but he had thought it was perhaps because he was light years, millions and millions of miles away from Earth and any other Daniel. Could it simply be he did not exist here?

"Thor, do you know why they haven't opened the Gate here yet? They're five years behind my reality. I suppose it could simply be a ...blip in the time scale or something. But is it possible it's because I don't exist here? Do you know, or could you find out?"

"I do not know but if you have died, or have never existed here then you could safely live on Earth. It is worth investigating. We will go to Earth and discover for ourselves."

"You'll do that for me?"

"From what you have told me, the Asgard owe you, Daniel Jackson. Maybe not in this reality but the debt is still owed. It is the least we can do."

* * *

The Asgard ship floated above Earth and not a soul on the blue-green planet below had any idea that little grey men were finally here.

Thor persuaded Daniel to rest and one of the Asgard crew took him to a small cubicle not far from the bridge of the huge ship. The Asgard didn't use actual beds in the way humans needed to and any rest they took was on a type of small form-fitting couch. Daniel lay on a few pads of material placed on the floor and was grateful that the ambient temperature on board the ship was comfortable enough so that coverings weren't necessary.

While Daniel slept Thor set about finding out what was happening on Earth, particularly within the SGC. When it was safe and there were no humans around he transported listening and viewing devices down into the complex and gathered as much information as he could so when his guest returned to the bridge some hours later, Thor had much to tell him.

Colonel Jack O'Neill was working at the Ring Complex under the command of a General West and they believed they were very near to finally making the huge ring work. There was no Daniel Jackson working on the project; in fact Thor explained that he'd discovered that the young Daniel had died with his parents in the New York Museum of Art.

Apparently the archaeology project was plagued with disagreement. There had been some arguments among the scientists about exactly how the huge ring worked and amongst the linguists about the exact translation of the cover-stone. They could not even agree exactly how old the stones were but according to O'Neill it didn't really matter how old the damned thing was just so it worked.

"Apparently this Jack has no more tolerance for scientists than mine. Has he called anyone a geek yet?"

"Not in my hearing though I did hear General West say that O'Neill has a short fuse and they'd better keep out of his way or it may go off."

Daniel laughed, "Oh I never used to like West but it seemed he had Jack down pat."

"Pat?" queried Thor.

"Err, slang. It means that he knows him very well."

"Ah," Thor said with a distinct twinkle in his large dark eyes. "Would you like to see this O'Neill?"

"Oh, could I?"

Thor moved one of the semi-opaque stones and directed it around on the curved board in front of them; the large screen in the centre of the bridge burst into life.

Daniel moved nearer to the screen as the image cleared and Jack came into view. He was leaning against the wall in an elevator and he was whistling tunelessly to himself. Unconsciously Daniel reached out a hand towards the image before he caught himself and pulled back. His heart was pounding in his chest and he was aware of the blood racing through his veins. For the first time in weeks, he felt alive.

Daniel watched hungrily as Jack tapped out a tattoo on the wall of elevator and then he picked at the seam of his jacket. There was something wrong with this picture but Daniel couldn't fathom what it was and he didn't really care anyway. It was Jack and he just enjoyed watching him, seeing his smile at some passing thought.

Jack had always been bored by the long trip in the elevator to the surface and Daniel wondered if he was going home and if home to this Jack was the same place it had been to them.

Suddenly the doors opened and Jack walked out into the corridor. He sauntered past the guard post, flashing his ID and throwing a casual salute at the guard as he made his way to the parking lot.

Daniel glanced over at Thor and saw he too was watching closely. He turned back to the screen and saw Jack approach a vehicle. Not the large truck his Jack had loved to drive, this was a dark red station wagon and as Jack approached the door opened and a figure exited.

Recognising the person Daniel felt all the warmth drain from his body and he watched heart-broken as Jack embraced the long-haired blonde and pulled her into a loving kiss.

"Sam!"

"Who is Sam?" Thor asked.

"Samantha Carter. In my reality she was a major and part of SG1 and she and Jack were just friends. That was all they could be, a relationship wasn't allowed," said Daniel frowning. "I've seen her looking like that before, twice, in alternate realities. She was a civilian working as a scientist and on one occasion she was engaged to Jack and the other time they were married."

"You believe this is the situation here?"

"I think so... Oh god, now I understand. I thought in the elevator something was wrong but it wasn't wrong, it was right. Jack was all right. He was happy."

"I don't understand, to what do you refer?"

"When I first knew Jack he was an embittered, harsh man. He was grieving for the death of his young son. It'd ripped the heart right out of him. It was much later, after our mission to Abydos before I even saw him smile. The man I knew, the man I fell in love with doesn't exist here," Daniel said wistfully.

"His son has not died yet then," said Thor matter-of-factly.

Frowning Daniel looked again at the vision on the screen. Jack and Sam were getting in the vehicle together, a family vehicle. "I don't even know if they have a son," said Daniel, backing away from the screen, from Thor.

"Dr. Jackson, what is it?"

"I have to know. If they do....if Charlie is their son then it's not happened yet, Charlie could still be alive. Charlie...Oh, Jack."

Staring at the screen and saw Jack sitting behind the steering wheel of his car talking animatedly to Sam. He was smiling happily. Jack had loved his wife and Charlie had been his heart and soul. It wasn't that Jack didn't love Daniel; it wasn't that he was second-best; Daniel knew that his Jack had loved him completely, with all that he was.

It was the same with this Jack. It was simply that this Jack's life was full with his family. There was no room in the life of this Jack O'Neill for a Daniel Jackson. Unless his life took that cruel turn and his child died.

Unless Daniel changed Jack's possible fate by giving up the future he could have had with this man. By saving Charlie he would be saving Jack just the way he had on Abydos. He knew that by doing so he would lose Jack but how could he impose his own happiness at the cost of Jack's. He'd finally found an alternate universe where he no longer existed but Jack was not free. It felt like a knife was twisting in his gut. Fate was cruel.

However, Daniel was not. There was no way he could allow Jack to suffer through the death of his beloved son if he could possibly help it, even if in doing so he lost his own chance at happiness.

If it was necessary, he could do it, he was sure he could. With a little help from Thor.

* * *

Jack pulled into his driveway wondering exactly where Charlie had got to. He knew Charlie would be still angry at him. Jack grinned at the thought, _just like me!_ Stubborn, wilful and impatient.

"Don't worry, Jack," Sam said with a knowing smile, "you'll bring Charlie round, you always do."

"Yeah but she's gotta learn there are priorities and one of them is my job."

"Don't I know it," replied Sam bitterly.

"Oh, let's not get into that old argument," he said, climbing out of the car.

Thor moved another of the small stones and the image on the view-screen changed. Daniel could see a young girt of about ten opening drawers in the master bedroom. _A daughter, they have a daughter,_ Daniel was bemused.

"Charlie, where are you?" Jack called as he opened the front door. "Charlotte? Damn, where is that girl. Charlotte!" Jack opened the patio doors to check the back yard but there was no sign of his daughter and he came back inside.

Watching, Daniel couldn't help but smile; trust Jack to call his daughter Charlie anyway. The smile faded as he watched the girl searching the room.

"This has got to be it," Daniel said moving closer to the Asgard screen. "There's no way ...Charlie should be doing that. Damn it, Jack told me he left his gun in one of the drawers but he didn't say which one."

Sam shook her head as she carried a bag of groceries into the kitchen. "You two! So alike."

Charlie had just opened another drawer and Daniel watched in horror as she lifted Jack's handgun from it. Fascinated with her father's weapon, the girl twirled it around in her fingers.

"Thor, now, do something!" Daniel yelled.

"It will take a second, I would not wish to take the child's hand too," Thor said re-arranging another of the semi-opaque stones.

Charlie was surprised at the weight of gun as she lifted it to take a closer look and then before her eyes the gun disappeared in a flash of light. Shocked, Charlie jumped back.

Just then Jack heard sounds from upstairs, directly overhead...the master bedroom. Charlie knew better than to go into her parents' bedroom but that didn't mean she wouldn't do it. Especially when she was angry at her Dad.

Jack's voice wafted in, "Charlie! What the hell are ya doing in our room!" Jack mounted the stairs two at a time and ran into his bedroom almost colliding with his daughter as she was backing out.

"Charlie!"

"Dad, it was there and then it wasn't. I don't understand," her voice was shaking.

"What? Charlie, whaddya talking about? Are you all right, you look pale."

A shiver ran through the girl and she put her arms around her father. "Everything's okay now, Dad."

Jack frowned, glancing into his room where everything looked normal. He was puzzled but feeling his daughter's arms tight around him he knew there wasn't anything wrong with his world.

* * *

Finally gathering enough incentive to get up out of his makeshift bed, Daniel tried to put the disturbing thoughts behind him. He had to get used to being alone again, really alone not with just the company of others but alone inside where it mattered.

He hadn't given up; Jack had called him a stubborn bastard and it was true. He wanted to hear another Jack say it to him. There were many things he missed about Jack, the obvious things of course, but there were also the little things. The way Jack would push up his glasses when they slipped down his nose, the way Jack would publicly squeeze his shoulder in support because he couldn't take Daniel in his arms. The verbal banter knocked back and forth between them taking the place of the foreplay they couldn't indulge in because they were at work. The insults that were really verbal caresses because who else but someone who loved you could insult you with a smile that warmed your soul. He wanted it all, not just the kisses, the glances, the hugs or even the mind-blowing sex, none of that mattered without the gentle love underlying everything between them. God Daniel wanted him back so badly it hurt to breathe because Jack wasn't sharing the same air.

Well, the only way he was going to have the ghost of a chance of getting him back was to keep going through the mirror; the mirror that had been both a lifeline and a curse. It kept dragging him through, disappointing him but enticing him again and again to keep trying, because this time...this time he may succeed.

He laughed bitterly, remembering the phrase Ernest Littlefield had used when trying to persuade Daniel to leave Heliopolis before it killed him; the torment of Tantulus. Forever reaching for that which was out of reach.

No...dammit, he wouldn't believe that, he couldn't. Somewhere there had to be another Jack who could love him. Perhaps another Jack looking for another Daniel. He'd died enough times in his own reality; he couldn't believe it would be different for other Daniels so the odds were that out there somewhere he really had died, finally.

He made himself a cup of his precious coffee and forced himself to eat some bread and a little dried fruit. He rationed the supplies he'd been given by the first SGC he'd visited as he wasn't sure when he could get fresh provisions. He couldn't rely on an alternative SGC for resources not that most of them wouldn't be willing he was sure, just that it wasn't wise to rely on anything in this precarious existence of his.

He took the short walk to the river just outside of town, refreshed his water reserve and had a quick wash and shave. One thing he'd learned long ago when he was still an archaeologist in the field was how to shave with whatever was available, or even when there was nothing but a dry safety razor. This was something else that he sometimes had to force himself to do, perform his daily ablutions. Being on his own it was always too much of a temptation to let it slide but then he would remember what Jack would've said!

He had to decide what to do that day. He could spend a day investigating the city again. There was so much he didn't know about this place. They'd done a limited survey when they found the mirror but its discovery had pushed every other consideration onto the back burner. He had been in the process of trying to decipher the language but as he had only been able to do so in between other missions; it had been a slow process so he could carry on with that. He had literally only skimmed the surface of the site, he could spend his entire life studying the ruins of this city; in fact he could probably spend several lifetimes working here! Yet what once would have seemed a dream come true now only left him with the feeling of ashes in his mouth. Be careful what you wish for, it might come true - there was a reason these sayings were called clichés.

But just now he had other wishes, which he wanted to come true and, as painful as the failures were, he had to take that risk for any hope of success.

Gathering all his gear together, he headed for the Quantum Mirror. It was rather like a lottery every time he ventured through this remarkable piece of alien technology. Would he be lucky today? He twitched the dial and stepped through.

* * *

This time there was an SGC and using the ever-helpful introduction of the Land of Light Daniel travelled through the wormhole.

Whatever he'd expected it wasn't to be greeted by General Paul Davies. The armed SFs had him in their sights, yes but seeing Paul with the star of a general sent an odd sensation down his spine.

He wasn't the only one surprised because Paul stepped forward gasping, "Daniel, oh my god, Daniel...it can't be." He stopped and his expression of surprise darkened to suspicion. "Who are you?"

Noticing the weapons of the SFs were still pointed in his direction, Daniel kept his arms slightly away from his body and his hands in plain view. "It is me, Paul. I'm just not _your_ Daniel Jackson."

The General hadn't mentioned the man's last name and if he had needed any confirmation that was it. Paul stared carefully at the man facing him and waving the SFs back he slowly mounted the ramp until he stood directly in front of the man who had once been a close friend. He noticed the hair was a little shorter, a little lighter; his build was a little heavier. The blue eyes had a haunted look that he wasn't used to.

"No, I see you're not. But you are clearly Daniel Jackson." Paul cocked his head to one side, "the alternate reality mirror?"

Daniel breathed a sigh of relief that he wouldn't have to convince the Major - the General who he really was and how he came to be here.

"I assume from your reaction when I came through that I ...he is not a member of the SGC, or at least not supposed to be here?"

"Let's go to my office. Follow me," Paul said.

Daniel noted that two SFs followed but he made no comment.

They settled comfortably either side of the desk, the SFs standing guard outside the door.

"So Paul...sorry, General Davies. In my reality Paul and I were friends."

"As were we, Daniel," he smiled.

" _Were?_ Then...he's dead?" Daniel felt a flash of guilt because he was relieved by the news, especially when he saw the expression flitter across Paul's face.

"How old are you, Daniel?" Paul asked softly.

"How old?" Daniel frowned, "I'm thirty-five but why do you ask?"

"Because Daniel died when he was thirty-seven, five years ago."

"What?"

"That was the main reason I knew you weren't our Daniel; it was just the shock of seeing you, so similar to the last time I saw him," Paul explained.

It also answered why the major was now a general and as Daniel studied him more closely he saw the signs of aging but Paul had always been a good looking man and the passing years had treated him well. The passing of six or seven years was not obvious by looking at the other man.

"And Jack, Colonel O'Neill, what happened to him?" Daniel had wanted to ask that question since the moment he'd stepped through the Gate but when he saw Paul Davies as a General he knew something very different had happened in this universe and he'd become afraid of the answer. Was this going to be yet another failure?

"I'm afraid the Colonel took Daniel's death badly and he retired shortly afterwards. Said he could never face going through the Gate again."

"I see," the archaeologist said, calm on the surface and anything but underneath. There was a Jack alive in this reality, a man who had cared for his friend so much he couldn't go on without him. Friends may have been all they were but he would have to find that out for himself. Knowing it wouldn't be wise to press the point too strongly he forced himself to concentrate on something else.

"And Sam and Teal'c, are they still here?" Daniel asked.

"Teal'c returned to help with the Jaffa rebellion shortly after Jack left. Sam took charge of the new SG1 for a while but it wasn't the same for her. She never really got over Daniel's death either, though in a different way. About a year later she took a research post for the Pentagon. She is doing well, we meet up occasionally and discuss old times."

"General Hammond retired?"

"Yes, three years ago but I'm afraid he died last year. Simply passed away in his sleep."

Daniel nodded, pleased that at least his old friend got to spend some time with his granddaughters.

"So what happened to Jack, you say he retired? Do you know where he is, what he's doing? I would really like to see him."

Paul stared at Daniel for a moment, assessing him. Daniel recognised the look, not from Paul, this man seemed ...what, harder somehow; more discerning. He knew that look only too well from Jack O'Neill, threat assessing. What threat did Paul think he might have to assess about Daniel?

Whatever it was Daniel must have passed the test because Paul sat back in his chair. "Jack retired to his cabin and as far as I know he is living quietly there still. He has never been in touch with anyone since the day he left, not even his old team-mates. I know for a fact that Teal'c never saw him again before he left and Sam has told me that he never returned any calls before he left for his cabin and he has no phone there. She has written but he never replied to those either. If he has a cell, no one knows the number. To be honest, at one time I wondered if he might..."

"God, no, he wouldn't do that, he couldn't."

"Daniel, you of all people...sorry I forgot for a moment that you weren't our Daniel. Maybe it wasn't the same for you. In this reality, Jack was close to committing suicide after his son, Charlie died. It was you who stopped that."

"Yeah, it was the same for me. I guess I thought he was past all that."

"They were close, Daniel, very close. It tore the heart out of him when Danny died."

"How...what happened?"

"It was on a mission. The team split, as they often did," Paul raised an eyebrow, questioning if it was the same with him and Daniel nodded his assent. Sam and Teal'c were checking out the mineral samples and Jack and Daniel were investigating a temple. Nothing dramatically different from a dozen other missions it seemed. Only the temple had a booby trap and Daniel got caught up in it. Some sort of light field held him, the Colonel said and nothing he did could get it to release him.

"Jack called for help and the others came running but they were three miles away and the beam was narrowing, tightening around Daniel. The only person who might have been able to help was trapped, couldn't speak, unable to move, not even his eyes. Jack was desperate, watching the trap close, squeezing the life from him and Jack tried everything he could think of to get it switch off. He fired into the field where it came from in the ceiling with his P90, nothing. He then tried the zat, he fired and fired but it only seemed to absorb the energy. Then the field touched Daniel and with a silent scream he was simply gone, Jack's words. I've never forgotten them or the way he said it."

"Oh, god!"

"When the others arrived all they found was Jack sitting on the floor crying. There was no sign of anything else, not even any trace that there had ever been a trap there. Or that Daniel had ever been there, except for the video camera still sitting on the altar stone nearby."

"That would have destroyed Jack; that would have been the ultimate failure to him. He prided himself in looking out for us, for me especially."

"I know. It took a lot to persuade him it wasn't his fault though to be honest I'm not sure he ever truly believed it anyway."

"Paul," Daniel grinned an apology.

"It was always Paul to you."

"Paul, I need to see him, is that possible?"

"It is and I will arrange it... after I've debriefed you. I need to know what happened in your reality and why you came here. I allowed this to continue because if you are anything like our Daniel I knew you would need to understand. However, now we need to get back to the business at hand."

"I understand and I will tell you everything I know."

* * *

Paul had been true to his word and after a very detailed debriefing which had been as shocking to Paul as Paul's revelations had been to him, he'd made arrangements for Daniel to travel to Minnesota and visit Jack.

Daniel was presently a passenger in a car provided by the nearest Air Force base, the driver given instructions to provide the distinguished passenger, nice touch by the general thought Daniel, with whatever he required.

Daniel had visited Jack's cabin on one previous occasion and remembered quite clearly that there was an exit from the road, joining a rough track to the cabin. He instructed the driver to park the car on the side of the road, having decided to walk the short distance down the track to the cabin. He wasn't sure why but he just felt it was the right thing to do.

As he walked through the woods he wondered why he and Jack hadn't come here more often, then with a smile he remembered why. Jack wanted to spend a lot of his time fishing, Daniel enjoyed simply relaxing and reading, they both enjoyed walking through the woods. It should have been ideal, except that Jack wanted Daniel to fish with him and bugged the hell out of him when he didn't want to be disturbed while reading. Then he would always get his own back refusing Jack's advances when he finally got bored with the fish that wouldn't bite and he would suggest a walk instead. The walks in the woods never got very far because Jack would always shove him up against the nearest tree, to which Daniel didn't object at all. So it was ideal, just not in the way expected. The only reason they hadn't been back again was because Jack said it was too tempting to simply want to stay there forever. They had planned to retire there when they finally left the SGC.

Daniel was not far from the cabin when he saw another figure walking a short distance ahead. His path would cut across Daniel's just ahead so the archaeologist leaned against the nearest tree and watched.

As Jack approached - there was never any doubt who it was - Daniel took a careful look at this older version of the man he loved and was shocked at what he saw. Jack had always been particular about taking care of himself and had always been in tip-top condition, having the figure of a man younger than his years.

This man looked older than his, what ...fifty-one years. It wasn't the build, this Jack was still slim but the physique looked thin, wasted. His face was lined and his cheeks were sunken. The once beautiful silver grey hair now looked almost white and was long and unkempt.

He walked slowly, carefully, gone was the swift stride.

Daniel's heart went out to this Jack whose life seemed a travesty compared to the dream he had shared with his Jack. It seemed that in this reality Jack was in permanent mourning for his friend, perhaps for his lover.

Then, almost as if he realised he was being watched he turned and glanced in Daniel's direction but he was just out of the older man's line of sight and he stayed hidden watching. If he had been surprised before, now Daniel was shocked. If he thought Jack's body looked older the man's eyes were practically ancient, carrying so much pain and despair Daniel almost gasped. Then Jack turned away and carried on walking back to the cabin.

Something was wrong, terribly wrong. After six years surely the grief wouldn't leave such terrible pain and despair. He knew something about grief and he understood only too well that purpose in life gives relief. If he had nothing to fill his days he would have succumbed to his grief by now, his search for Jack was a lifeline. Jack was a strong man but if he had nothing to fill his days but the memory of the death of _his_ Daniel....

It gave Daniel pause for thought, would it be a mistake after all to appear before him now? Would it help or would it hinder? He had no wish to hurt this Jack but what of his own dreams. What if this Jack, older as he was, was the Jack he could make a life with? Perhaps in the way he needed a Jack to overcome his grief, he could offer the same solace.

Making his decision Daniel walked the short distance to the cabin and through the door that was slightly ajar. Once again, the sight that greeted him was unexpected. Jack O'Neill was a stickler for neatness, a place for everything and everything in its place, yet the cabin was a mess. Daniel glanced around taking it all in before his eyes finally settled on the sofa where the man himself was stretched out, sleeping.

Moving quietly, experience taught him how to move around Jack, not that it always worked anyway with the man's training, Daniel approached the slumbering man. Looking down he saw the lines drawn upon Jack's face even clearer close up, not even sleep wiped the lines from his visage. Then the older man tossed on the sofa and muttered in his sleep. Daniel backed away, not wanting to be found standing over him if he awoke suddenly. He leaned against the wall near the door, waiting.

Jack was dreaming, probably a nightmare from the disturbance and the continued mutterings, sounds that were becoming louder, allowing Daniel to pick out the odd word. When his Jack had suffered nightmares like this, Daniel would have gently awoken him before they became even worse, not something he could do with this Jack.

The voice became a little clearer, "No, no, Danny!" Then his body went rigid for a second before with a single tear leaking from one eye, he said plaintively, "God won't forgive me, Danny. Why should you?"

Daniel straightened at those words and took a step nearer the sofa. _Oh god, Jack still blamed himself for his Daniel's death. He did everything he could and still couldn't forgive himself for the failure. Oh, Jack._

As if he knew someone was thinking about him, Jack awoke and looked about the room, finally seeing Daniel standing in the shadows.

"Ah, you've finally come. I knew you would one day, took your time though," Jack gave an odd, cold smile. "Suppose you thought I was doing a pretty good job of punishing myself, why let it end too soon. Almost ended it myself more than once. Sat here with my gun in my hands, even wondered where to put the bullet, temple, under the jaw..."

"Jack, for god's sake!"

"What's god got to do with it? It's _your_ forgiveness I want. If you could forgive me I could let go then. Yet how can I think about wanting to join you...oh, Danny, I'm the last person you would want to spend eternity with. Why would you ever want to even see me again," he murmured, slow fat tears dripped from the sad brown eyes. "I don't deserve the peace I would find with you. Oh, Danny, Danny, if only you could forgive me."

"Forgive you for what, failing? Jack you're not..."

"Forgive me for _what?_ God, Daniel don't do this to me, don't make me have to say it," said Jack brokenly, the tears flowing freely now.

Daniel was stunned. What the hell was wrong? Why would Jack think Daniel couldn't forgive him? And what was that about suicide, he made it sound as if he thought he wasn't _worthy_ to commit suicide. None of this made any sense.

"It's part of my penance, is that it?" Jack asked, rubbing a hand across his face, as if trying to scrub the tears away. "Very well, if that's what you want, if my confession will make you feel better." Jack took a deep breath and raising his eyes to the ceiling he began in a low voice. "It was my jealousy but you know that, we'd been arguing about it for weeks. Insane jealousy you called it. I couldn't accept that you weren't... that you were faithful to me. You swore that you weren't having an affair but I wouldn't believe you. Major fucking Davies was always there, always needing to talk to you, always leaning close, always smiling. And you, you would smile back and I would imagine he was seeing the same smile I saw when you told me you loved _me_. I know I should have trusted you, I know I was a stupid bastard as you repeatedly told me.

"You kept saying I couldn't really love you if I didn't trust you and that only angered me more. 'Cause I knew it was true."

Daniel listened with growing unease to Jack's story as the man became more agitated as he spoke. He rose from the sofa and began to pace in front of it, glancing over at Daniel from time to time, almost as if to check he was still there.

"We'd had a terrible row the night before and you'd stormed out but you didn't go back to your apartment. Next morning we had no time to talk before we had to leave on that mission and you wouldn't look at me anyway. When we got to the planet I split the team as usual. The others never saw anything wrong other than we'd had another of our arguments, nothing unusual in that recently. Once we got inside the temple I demanded to know where you'd been the night before but you said it was none of my business.

"You triggered that damn trap then, remember? Took you a few minutes to get out of it and what with that and your stubborn refusal to answer I just blew. I grabbed you, shoved you against a wall demanding an answer. You laughed in my face then and shoved me back and you said - I can remember the exact words, they're engraved on my heart - it wasn't true until last night, but then I thought fuck it, might as well be hanged for a sheep as for a lamb.

"My heart froze but my head was on fire and I slammed you back against the wall and leaned my forearm against your throat. I can't even remember what I said; everything about that has always been just a red haze. All I can remember is the anger and the pain. I was sure I had lost you and I couldn't stand it. I know I was yelling but... The next thing I was aware of was looking down at you lying at my feet, still, unmoving."

"Unmoving?" asked Daniel, ice creeping up his chest. "You...you killed him? No, that's not possible. Not your Daniel, no..." He never even realised he was crying.

Jack stopped pacing, his back to Daniel, then he slowly turned around. He stared at Daniel who had moved closer as Jack had been speaking. Jack walked a few steps towards him and Daniel held his ground.

"You're not his ghost are you? You haven't come for me after all. I thought maybe it was over at last." Jack's voice was sad.

"No, I ...I am Daniel Jackson but I...I come from another universe."

"You look so like him ... when I killed him."

"Oh, god Jack!" He sank into the armchair dropping his head into his hands.

Jack took a deep breath. "It's all right Daniel. I'm relieved to have finally told someone...no not someone, you," he added with a wry half-smile.

"None of this makes any sense. They told me he died because of some kind of trap. There wasn't even a body."

Jack's head snapped up at that. "Who told you?" he demanded.

"I came through the Gate and General...Davies," _oh god, Paul_ "I...asked about you, told him I wanted to see you,"

"Why?" Jack interrupted.

Daniel swallowed. "Because I lost mine and I don't want to live without a Jack."

"You're searching...and Davies helped you?"

"Yes, he arranged for me to come here to see you."

Jack took a step back. "Is he here with you?" he asked, his voice harsh.

"No, no, he merely arranged the transport. I have a car waiting with a driver, that's all. Jack..."

"I told them that, I lied," he said looking directly at Daniel. "As soon as I realised what I'd done I was horrified. I actually reached for my gun. I had nothing to live for. I had killed the one person who meant more to me than my own life but then I suddenly realised that if I ...I committed suicide after ...mur..murdering Daniel, it would destroy the SGC, everything Daniel had worked so hard for. I couldn't destroy his work as well. I knew there would be too much proof that I had...that I had. I used my zat, I'll never be able to tell you how hard that was, that third shot.

"I spun out the story about the trap and said Daniel had died..."

Daniel felt the tears sliding down his cheeks and there was nothing he could do to stop them as each word Jack spoke felt like a knife digging into him, tearing at his heart. How could Jack do something so terrible? Could it have been his fault, this alternate Daniel? Was it his fault that Jack could do something so terrible; that Jack could love him so much the very idea of losing Daniel could send him over the edge? Why did Jack feel so threatened by the presence of another man?

"Jack...can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"You are being completely honest here, yes?" Jack nodded. "Was there something he did, was there some ...fault, some...."

"Oh, no, Danny, no. Don't try and think you...he was responsible. He loved me I know that, he put up with so much from me, he forgave me again and again but I couldn't ...I wasn't worthy of him and I knew it. I was so afraid of losing him, expecting him to find someone better and all I was doing was pushing him away. Yet he kept coming back. You know, I still don't know for certain that he ever slept with Paul Davies that last night, I don't really think he did."

"Were you serious before about the suicide attempt?" Daniel asked carefully.

"Oh yes, I'm just waiting for Daniel to forgive me," Jack said softly. Daniel frowned not really understanding. "I've wanted to join him for so long but he wouldn't want me."

"Jack, how can Daniel forgive you?"

Jack frowned. "I don't know; he was always so resourceful." He suddenly smiled. "You, would you forgive me?"

Daniel gasped. "Oh Jack, I don't have that right." Jack sagged in his seat but he absently nodded.

"I think, perhaps, if your Daniel were here he might forgive you. I think he may understand that you acted out of the desperation of love which is the most illogical of emotions."

Jack lifted his head and his eyes, swimming in tears, met Daniel's and he smiled.

"Thank you. I think you should leave now. Go back to the Gate and go through to your mirror. Out there, somewhere, there is a Jack worthy of you. Go and find him."

Daniel stood and turned toward the door, hesitating, his back still turned, he asked, "Will you be okay?"

"Yes, I think now I will. Goodbye, Daniel."

Daniel hurried out the door and almost ran down the path to his waiting car, not wanting to hear the sound he believed would soon come.

* * *

"Return to the Air Base, sir?" the driver asked as Daniel climbed into the back seat of the car.

Not trusting himself to speak, Daniel simply nodded.

_Oh, god, oh god, oh god, oh god,_ was all Daniel seemed to be able to think.

Unconsciously he was listening for the sound, the one lingering sound he half-expected and feared to hear. It was bad enough that he could still hear Jack's words rolling around in his head as he described how he'd killed his Danny. How could things ever have gotten that bad between them? They had been in love, Jack said, yet they had destroyed each other. Would that have happened to him and his Jack if he hadn't been killed first? No, no, he could never believe that of his Jack.

Frowning, he began to wonder about other universes and how many of those Jacks and Daniels had destructive relationships. Had he been incredibly lucky? Was he expecting too much? What did they say about lightning never striking twice?

He began to wonder if he should go on, how much more of this could he take. He had travelled through the Gate nineteen times now and on only three occasions had there not been a Daniel present. True some of those trips didn't even have an SGC but of those three times, Jack was married to Sam twice and the third time...the third time Jack had killed Daniel.

He couldn't let this ...this disaster distract him. They - this Jack and Daniel - were not representative. _Okay, my Jack did tend to be a little jealous but nothing remotely like that._ Anyway, perhaps that Daniel could have been more diplomatic, made Jack see reason, maybe.

No, he had to carry on searching, it was all he had. As even that Jack had said there was a Jack out there worthy of him, he had been loved by him once, he _would_ find him.

* * *

On his arrival back at the SGC, Paul called Daniel into his office, expecting that something particular would have happened when Jack O'Neill saw this man.

"Well, Daniel, I trust your trip was worthwhile. How was the Colonel?"

How the hell could Daniel answer that question? Had Paul any suspicions, was that why he had been so helpful in arranging for him to visit Jack? Surely not, if he'd had suspicions five years ago there would have been an investigation. No, it was just Daniel's conscience talking.

"I'm afraid Jack is still grieving, he's something of a wreck," he answered sadly. At least that was true. "He still blames himself for Daniel's death and nothing I could say made him see sense. All Jack could see was that Danny had died whilst in his care and therefore his death was his responsibility, his fault."

Paul nodded, saying nothing at first and Daniel suddenly realised he wasn't surprised, he had expected little else.

He stood and looked out of his office into the briefing room beyond before turning back. "I'm sorry, I had hoped perhaps ..." Paul's voice faded.

Watching Paul carefully Daniel understood that perhaps he too carried a modicum of guilt over Daniel's death. Maybe he knew some of what had transpired between Jack and Daniel, he may even have known of their relationship.

It changed nothing. Daniel saw no reason to tell the truth, it wouldn't do anyone any good now. Jack was paying for his crime and had been since the day he'd committed it, he was in a prison of his own making and only his death would free him.

They spoke a little more of his trip with Daniel prevaricating when necessary, until, with good wishes and a promise of a home there if ever he needed one, Paul said goodbye to Daniel.

* * *

Returning back through the mirror Daniel promptly decided to go back through again after a good night's rest. He wouldn't normally go through without a few days break but this last trip had left a sour taste in his mouth and he needed to exorcise it.

* * *

The morning came and Daniel stepped through again into another version of the ruined city. Sometimes the city was in better condition that his own version, while others, like this one were in a much worse state. He looked back at the mirror and it looked as timeless as ever just as he expected the Gate would too but he best make sure. Without a working Gate there was no reason to stay.

Hurrying down the once wide boulevards that were now clogged with detritus he was shocked to hear voices. Quickly hiding behind a broken wall, he carefully looked towards the sound of the voices. Convinced he was imagining what he thought he heard, he was stunned to see Sam walking towards him talking animatedly to someone behind her. Who she was talking to was answered when Daniel heard the deep baritone of Teal'c. God was there a Jack with them...was there a Daniel?

That question was answered a moment later when Robert Rothman came into view, trailed close behind by Jack.

Daniel stared at the man, assessing his attitude, his general air. Did Robert's presence indicate that the Daniel of this reality was dead? After all, he'd been the one to bring Robert into the programme. Jack was smiling at Robert but Robert was frowning and shaking his head. He remembered the unease Robert felt around Jack because no matter how hard the man tried, Jack found him irritating. Mind, Jack found every 'geek' irritating, including Daniel at times. It was just that Daniel managed to get under his radar and the man hadn't stood a chance ever since. Daniel smiled at the memory of the first time Jack realised that his usual banter intended to put-down scientists had no effect whatsoever on Daniel.

Bringing his thoughts back to the present he wondered what Jack's seemingly relaxed air indicated. Did it mean there was no Daniel in this reality? Had he never existed, or simply not joined the SGC, was he dead? Had he been Jack's friend? Had Jack never known him? What if he did know him and they didn't get on. That would be different but there was no rule that each reality had to be similar, he already had proof of that.

The only way to get proof of this situation was to investigate. To see...and be seen.

He stepped out.

Jack was talking but immediately stopped as he became aware of the appearance of a man directly in their path. When he saw who it seemed to be, his mouth dropped open.

"Daniel!" Sam Carter exclaimed.

"Daniel," Jack said quietly, then "Oh my god! Daniel, this is...." His face fell. "This is impossible," he frowned moving his weapon into a more comfortable position but still keeping it pointing downwards. "Who are you?" he asked harshly.

"I'm Daniel Jackson," he said firmly. "I've come to this universe, this reality through the quantum mirror." He hesitated a moment expecting questions and Sam didn't disappoint.

"The interdimensional portal? A large stone edifice in which there is no reflection?"

"Yes, Sam. I am a doppelganger of the Daniel you...knew?" he said, turning the statement into a question.

"Yes, Daniel died over eighteen months ago now," said Jack, still wary. "Look," he said "we were heading for our camp. Night draws in quickly here. We'll talk there."

"Yeah, I know. I ...live on the other side of the mirror in this city. Only when I left, it was morning. "

"We're due to spend another couple of days here," Sam commented.

"Carter!" Jack said and she flushed. It was not _their_ Daniel they were talking to.

"Sorry, sir. Should I inform the SGC?"

"Please could you at least give me tonight to talk to you, then I'll answer any questions you and General ...is it Hammond?" at Jack's nod, he continued, "Might want."

Jack looked closely at the stranger who was no stranger and after a moment he said, "Very well, unless I consider anything we learn from you to be too important to wait for the morning."

"Agreed," Daniel nodded, "provided you tell me first what happened to your Daniel."

Jack glanced around at Sam and Teal'c and seeing their agreement, nodded.

Taking a deep breath, he began.

"It was almost a year and half ago," Jack began, his voice quiet and introspective, so unlike his normal self. Daniel was curious about their relationship but knew it was too soon and too public to say anything.

"We'd been captured by Hathor, you know of her, right?" Daniel nodded, "and each of us was tricked into thinking it was sometime in the future and the rest of the team was dead. It was all part of a ploy to gain information so she could invade the SGC and when it failed she threatened that if we didn't talk she would put a snake in one of us and gain the information that way.

"She stopped first in front of Daniel, her beloved she said, much to his disgust. At first he refused, so she threatened to put it into me, saying she would much enjoy having me as her pet slave. Bitch! Daniel wasn't having any of that and he yelled No! - that he would agree.

"I can still hear the horror in his voice but with his usual determination I couldn't stop him. It should've been me, not a member of my team, me! The responsibility was mine. But Hathor said no anyway, she wanted Daniel; I think she would have taken him anyway.

"He even came over and told me it was okay; it was better this way, god! They put that damned thing in him.... I still have nightmares about his scream as the thing burrowed into his neck." . Listening, Daniel shivered at his reverse memory of watching it happen to Jack.

Jack saw the shudder and asked with a frown, "What is it?"

"In my universe I have nightmares about watching that happen to you," Daniel quietly explained. "I'll tell you later," he added.

Jack quirked an eyebrow but went on with his story. "Apparently it took a little time for the symbiote to take full control and we were taken away for her later pleasure! But the SGC mounted a rescue and we escaped, causing a fair bit of damage. We headed for the Gate and found it was still guarded. From hiding we saw Hathor, with Daniel and a couple of guards, ring up from her base below. There was a fire fight and she was heading for the Gate."

Jack hesitated, swallowing and then he lifted his eyes and looked directly at Daniel.

"I stood up and yelled out Daniel's name and he hesitated and turned back, walking away from her. I ...I lifted my weapon and fired one shot, a head shot killing him instantly."

Daniel gasped.

Jack continued, his voice soft now. "It was what he wanted, Daniel. We talked a lot about it and we promised each other that if either of us was snaked the other would do everything in their power to kill them. We'd rather be dead than live like that."

"God! Didn't you even think about the Tollan or even the Tok'ra?"

"The Tollan? Who are the Tollan? As for the Tok'ra, they wouldn't even talk to us. Sent us packing about three years ago."

"The Tollan, they were those people the NID took into care quite a few years ago," Sam commented.

"I believe that is correct," Teal'c spoke up for the first time.

"Oh yeah, I remember now," Jack said. "Whatever, why?"

"It doesn't matter," Daniel said distractedly.

"It clearly does, DanielJackson," Teal'c commented.

"Not really. Allies we made that you didn't."

Jack sensed a truth unspoken here but as Daniel said, it didn't matter. Not any longer. "I died a little too that day Daniel, he was my best friend."

Daniel looked at Jack and the older man let him see the truth of that statement.

No-one spoke for a while, each lost in their own memories. Even Robert quietly remembered his friend, until it was time for Teal'c to stand guard and then Sam and Robert retired, leaving Jack and Daniel alone, sitting by the fire.

It was then that Jack spoke of his guilt over the killing but also his conviction that it was what Daniel wanted. "I think it had been Daniel fighting the damned snake that allowed him to walk forward enabling the clear shot. The killing shot. He knew I would do it if I could."

Daniel saw the pain in the other man's eyes. "You were obviously very close."

"Mmm," Jack answered distracted.

"Were you...more than just friends?"

Jack stared at him puzzled, then his face cleared and he smiled. "Fuck no, nothing like that. We were close, I'd never met anyone quite like him, don't think anyone had," remembering who he was talking to he gave Daniel a wry grin. "He was a royal pain in the butt but he was also a wonderful friend and I still miss his bitching but we were just friends. I don't have anything against that kind of thing but Daniel was as straight as I was! No, I loved him, just not like that. Don't think my wife would've approved anyway."

Eyes wide with shock, Daniel said. "Wife?"

"Yeah, Sarah," replied Jack, a question in his voice.

Daniel nodded, unable to speak. He was still married!

"Daniel brought us back together after he returned from Abydos. He missed his wife something terrible - well you'd know about that - and couldn't stand that we were apart," Jack hesitated glancing at his hands hanging between his thighs. "And now they're both gone," he added wistfully.

That Daniel had brought them back together. He remembered when he'd considered the idea of talking to Sarah, trying to make her see that his Jack still loved her and how much he needed her. Then one drunken night, after a hard mission, Jack had confessed he still loved his wife but that there was no future for them anymore. Too much had happened, too much had gone wrong, even before Charlie died. He'd been through too much and had never been able to let her in; the one thing she needed more than anything was to be needed. He could never give her that. Later Jack had admitted that Daniel was the only person he'd ever been able to allow to see the real him, the scared man who needed to be able to let go but had never trusted anyone to catch him. Until Daniel. He'd been so touched at the faith Jack had in him that he'd cried and Jack had kissed the tears away.

God, Daniel needed Jack and his dreams had been shattered again. He couldn't stay; he didn't want to get in any deeper with this man. Making an excuse about needing to relieve himself, he slipped off into the night. When he was out of sight of the camp he headed for the mirror, relieved that Teal'c was patrolling the far side at that moment.

Jack waited a while and then went in search of his visitor. He couldn't find any trace of the younger man and called his name. Hearing O'Neill's voice, Teal'c came over to see what was wrong and then he began a search.

Jack knew he wouldn't find him, knew that Daniel had returned through the mirror and he couldn't blame him. He'd known that his Daniel had loved him for a long time, though the younger man hid it well. As did Jack himself. He loved his wife but things had been different between them since Charlie had died and even though they were content since Daniel had reunited them, his feelings for Daniel had grown stronger and stronger and Jack knew quite a while before his friend died that he was in love with him. He also knew there was nothing he could do about it. Nothing he _would_ do about it. When he'd realised the depth of his feelings he'd decided that as hard as it was, it would be for the best if he buried his feelings for everyone's sake.

He wondered, not for the first time, if Daniel had guessed the truth. There had been something in his eyes that day when he had volunteered to save Jack, something in the quiet smile that graced his face as he looked at Jack for the last time as himself. Jack had thought it was simple trust that Jack would do as they had agreed and save him from this fate truly worse than death. He had long believed it was more.

He recognised a similar look in the alternate Daniel's eyes and guessed he'd come looking for him, for a Jack. He saw the disappointment, the despair when he'd denied the possibility of a relationship with his Daniel. He'd known in that instant that this Daniel had such a relationship with his Jack and he was jealous, jealous of this unknown Jack who had the courage and the luck to have this man.

Yet as he'd believed before he believed now, denial was his only choice, it was for the best.

* * *

Daniel almost fell through the mirror in his haste to escape. Escape? Why did he think of that as escaping? He hadn't been in any danger, unless you counted the danger of falling in love with a man he knew he could never have. That man had been so like his Jack it had hurt. The tone of voice when he spoke to him, the way he looked at him, straight in the eye but seeing more than anyone else ever had. How could that man not have loved his Daniel?

God it must have been torture to work next to him, loving him - as he was sure that Daniel had - and not being able to truly love him and be loved in return. Daniel thought that his counterpart had probably sacrificed his own chance at happiness by reuniting Jack with his wife because he believed that Jack needed someone. He just hadn't considered that someone might have been him. Poor blind fool.

He wondered how many other Daniels had let Jack slip through their fingers for want of a leap of faith. That was what he owed his happiness with Jack to, the belief that if he leapt, Jack would catch him. A belief which Jack had proved worthy of.

Had he already used up his one and only leap of faith? Was he not to be allowed another one? Did fate ration such ventures? If the answer was yes what was the point of continuing?

Was there any point going on, how much of this could he take and remain stable? Did he want to continue, facing probable failure, day after day? What kind of life was that? _Oh god, why not just end it all against the iris; stop the pain once and for all!_

No, dammit he was not going do that. When did he lose that stubborn streak that used to drive Jack crazy? _When I lost Jack! Get a grip damn it._

Okay, okay so now he'd been through the mirror twenty times but only four of those didn't have a Daniel, how many other chances were there for him out there? There were more realities than he could ever visit in his lifetime. More variations than even Sam could calculate.

Somewhere, there was a Jack for him. Somewhere.

FIN


End file.
